Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin

Author:Melanie Benjamin [Benjamin, Melanie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General, Fiction, Body, Mind & Spirit, Oxford (England), Mysticism
ISBN: 9780440339540
Publisher: Random House, Inc.
Published: 2010-09-15T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9

• • •

JANUARY 23, 1876

Dearest Heart, I am wretched with worry over you. I must maintain a detached, dignified air, outwardly expressing mild concern, for naturally, as the daughter of the Dean, I would be properly anxious to hear word of your welfare.

Yet “properly anxious” does not come close to revealing the anguish in my heart. I ache to be by your side; I envy the doctors who have the privilege of caring for you. O, were it my hand that mopped your brow, held your hand, brought you nourishing soups! Can you see, then, how wild I am? Can you imagine Miss Alice Liddell actually carrying in a tureen of soup with her lily-white hands?

I would do more, were it possible; were it my right. I would launder your bed linen; I would slaughter the chicken myself, grind it up—is that how it’s done? I have no idea!—to make the soup; I would walk any number of miles to fetch you the finest medicine. If only I were allowed.

I am not, however. I must content myself with hearing, from Papa, the infrequent updates—for they would be frequent enough only if they were every minute!—your secretary so kindly sends. I must go about my business here in Oxford, smilingly, willingly, in the grand manner Mamma has so assiduously cultivated, as if I have nothing more pressing upon my mind than what frock to wear, which carriage to summon.

You must know that my thoughts, my heart, are not here but in Osborne, where you lie, and that every second of every day I long to be there in the flesh as well.

You will improve; you must. And when you do, I will be here, certain to make a most undignified fool of myself when I throw myself at you, and weep, and beg for your kiss, your caress.

Until that very satisfactory, if rather sentimental, time, I remain yours, as always.

Yours only, in fact. You’ve quite spoilt me for anyone else, so you see, you must get well or else I’ll become a tragic spinster, and I’m sure you don’t wish to be responsible for that!

Please come soon,

my dearest heart.

Your Alice

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